One contributing factor to longevity is having a purpose and being able to articulate it as a guiding principle as you live your life. So, as I think about my own health and wellness, I can honestly say I was put on this earth to raise and guide my daughter Isabelle. According to many ancient cultures such as Native Americans, Africans and Tibetans – souls choose their parents and families much before their conception happens on earth. It brings me comfort and I hope it is true. I would like to dedicate this blog to my beautiful Isabelle who will be graduating from Michigan State University on Saturday.
Isabelle was born in April 2002 via C-section and because I was so sick from the anesthesia, I was conscious just long enough to know she was healthy, had all her fingers and toes and no port wine stains (an irrational fear given to me by my co-worker Sandy). There are pictures from her birthday showing Robin and family members holding Isabelle with loving pride and I was nowhere to be found – ha-ha. When I awoke the next day, she was brought to me and the nurses shared with glee that Isabelle was the first baby they saw who drank 2 ounces of formula. Not shocking to me knowing our family history and love for food – she was definitely our kid.
Isabelle was a sweet natured baby who was frequently passed around for cuddling in the family and it made me very happy that there was a lot of love around her. My first few years were a blur as she was a really bad sleeper and would wake up constantly in the night wanting her milky milk (which was that gross soy formula that smelled awful). As I went to work feeling like a zombie, she would hang out with her dad and they became besties. He was a stay at home dad, taking her to all those classes and activities that suburban parents must mandatorily do. Everyone would comment – well we know who her daddy is – since she was the mini version of him. I felt like a surrogate but honestly, she was so darn cute, I was glad that she resembled Robin.
I had an established career that was involved so most of my time with Isabelle was relegated to the weekends. We would go to the zoo every Saturday and had our routine, the outdoor play area, an animal or two, a snack and then a train ride to the front of the zoo. Isabelle was into American Girl, we would play with her dolls, and I would make up voices including relevant dialogue and she would set up scenes and situations to keep it original and fun. I spent a lot of time rocking her to sleep or sitting in her room waiting for her to eventually drift off (which seemed like eternity). I had to figure out how to get out of the chair and walk across the floor without any squeaks or noises that would wake her up. I was convinced I acquired skills to slither out of any situation unheard or noticed from my advanced silent escape methods.
Isabelle and her dad spent most of their time together bonding over geography and world events. They would play with the globe and at an early age, Isabelle loved learning about different people and cultures. She had an odd obsession with North Korea and water buoys while other kids played soccer. Robin and Isabelle enjoyed history, politics, Legos, Thomas the Train, video games and wrestling – everything I did not like. Although I felt left out at times, I was really grateful of their relationship and closeness. Little did I know that the universe had a bigger plan and it was by design that Robin was meant to be the primary parent at the beginning of her life.
Robin volunteered at Isabelle’s school and guided her through those years. He taught her to drive and how to improve her basketball game. He would be the one to comfort her when she was having a tough day and to drop her off when she went to summer camp. He was also the one who received a call from camp in the middle of night just because she felt she needed to speak with him. That would be the last conversation she had with her dad. I remember Robin telling me they spoke and had a really nice discussion and I was jealous.
We always try to protect our kids and want them to have the perfect life. I think as a parent, you want them to have it better than you did. I unfortunately could not safe guard her from the most profound loss of our lives. But as I look at it now with less trauma, I think this was our path. I was supposed to step in more and we were meant to grow closer. I would not have wished in a million years and would have done anything to prevent this situation but it has truly been a blessing in a weird way for me at least.
Isabelle and I had to get to know each other and my parenting style was much different than her father’s. She was so like him and we had only a few similarities – it was odd. But as the years went on, we have grown together and enjoy a very tight relationship that I cherish. I have learned so much from Isabelle and I hope she feels the same. We had to exercise a lot of resilience, patience and listening to get aligned. Times were not always easy but necessary to develop the bond that we share today.
I am beyond proud of Isabelle. She has always been an excellent student and not once have I needed to get involved to monitor or motivate her to do her work. She is a top student, having been on the deans list every semester at MSU – James Madison College. She is also involved in student organizations and activities from JMC Senate to a founding member of the MSU Weightlifting Club. She has a love for techno music and mixing tunes in a creative way. Often on weekends, she will be dj’ing for a party or off to a concert.
She is ambitious too and passionate about policies that benefit all cultures and those who have been the underserved. She has already traveled the world from trips in the US to Israel, Jordan, Turkey, Oman, Dubai, and another country that I cannot remember the name. She has studied and taken the time to learn about history, people, and language. She has interned with the State Department and will be heading out to Azerbaijan this summer. She has built an impressive resume at a young age. In addition, she has been resourceful and helping me keep the college expenses affordable by receiving multiple scholarships and awards. She was asked by MSU to represent students at a donor’s engagement for alumni in Arizona. I am sure I have missed many things; the bottom line is this gal has made the most of her college experience. Considering that she lost a full year from Covid and being delayed getting on campus.
Isabelle and I have a mutual love for spas and vacationing together. Some of my fondest memories are of us lounging at the pool, having deep conversations, or working out together. We both enjoy early dining otherwise known as “linner.” (lunch and dinner) and going to bed early. WE enjoy baking – like perfecting the chocolate chip cookie or cinnamon bun. We also made the most of Covid and being in lockdown, setting up a gym and exercising together following Beach Body on demand classes.
All those accomplishments and interests are great but the area where I am most proud is that she is a very grounded and an empathetic person. She is an attentive friend and girlfriend. She goes out of her way to be there for the people in her life she cares about. Isabelle is humble and doesn’t need to be showy or brag – she is very real. She is emotionally intelligent and is able to make sound decisions weighing the short and long term impact. On a lighter side, she calls me every day wanting to see her puppy – Ella. I find myself succumb to facetime sessions where the camera is focused on Ella as Isabelle barks out orders to me – scratch her tush, play with her ears …. I feel like I am on that Fans Only page or something. Also, Isabelle likes to go to the beat of her own drum. She has never been interested in fads, following others … she tends to be more a trend spotter – which I think is super cool and love the confidence she exudes.
Anyways as we come to graduation on Saturday, I am really excited about her next phase and the new experiences and people in her life. I feel it in my bones that Isabelle is going to have some sort of positive effects on the world as she sees that people have more in common than differences. I hope she is the glue that helps us elevate peace and enjoyable lives for everyone. I am excited to visit her be it in Washington DC or some obscure country she finds herself in. I wonder what her future holds and how I may help her navigate those waters. I am just bursting at the seams of all the potential she possesses – the world is her oyster. Not really sure what that means but I believe it means she has the world by the balls.
So back to purpose and health as I started this blog. I have had meaningful experiences, accomplishments, love, and losses along the way. However, my greatest purpose and fuel comes from my daughter. Being able to ride side saddle and see how her life enfolds with mommy guardrails fills my cup. It gives me a reason to be hopeful, grateful, and engaged for the future. Thank you to my beautiful Isabelle that provides me meaning and joy each and everyday. Wishing you only the best – may all your dreams come true. Love you to the moon and back. I know I speak for you dad too who is always with us protecting and guiding you – just in a different room.
Seeking Wellness 