Last weekend my best friend, Marla, flew in from Atlanta to attend her 40th High School Reunion. Since I had grown up with her and knew many of the people who may be there, I thought it would be fun to be her date at this soiree. With this event coming up it encouraged me to think about wellness and the importance of my early experiences, friends, and how it has shaped my future.
I grew up in Oak Park, Michigan and we lived in a subdivision called the “Manor.” Times were carefree back in the 70’s as there were no cell phones, social media, or much organized activities. Most afternoons and weekends were spent hopping on our bikes and going to play with friends. We would meet up on the street and start a game of kickball, dodgeball, or any other outdoor antics. Marla lived across the street and sometimes when we felt adventurous, we would ride our bikes to the drug store for a day outing. We knew that when it started getting dark, it was time to come home. We had a crew of buddies in the subdivision and grew up together with an ease and laissez faire mentality to our relationships. I never recall having any problems of not being included in whatever was happening – it was just understood “we were all in” or at least that is how I remember it!
One of my fondest memories was Halloween in the “Manor.” Everyone dressed up and our neighbors opened their garage to the best party ever. We would go there and eat popcorn, candy apples, and grab our UNICEF containers to collect for charity. We always had great costumes (thanks to Mr. Peiss); we would walk around in cardboard over our winter coats. It was never extremely comfortable but we looked damn cute. One year Marla and I went as M&M’s, and we had to stick together all night to ensure the full effect was achieved. It was also a ritual after collecting our sack of candy for our parents to sort through our goodies discarding fruit, unwrapped items or anything that looked suspicious. Our biggest concern at the time was razors. Not sure that was a real threat – but hey – no ill intent was ever found (unless you consider Circus Peanuts which was a total violation to me – so gross). I spent a lot of time as a child wondering why someone would choose that as the treats to give (same thoughts why households gave fruit or pencils – I am sure everyone threw those out during the parental candy review). This is the type of deep thinking that still burdens me today 😊.
Several years ago, Marla and I were reminiscing about the good old days. We corroborated stories on how we MAY have almost been abducted by the Birmingham child killer. The details are fuzzy but it did involve a weird guy driving a Gremlin. We confirmed that we remember being approached and we took off with a huge “stranger danger” alarm system going off in our heads. Always fun time – yikes (BTW we had no idea during that time that this guy was out kidnapping). Ignorance was bliss and that is how we lived our life. As our neighborhood friends grew up, we also enjoyed our curiosity in becoming teenagers with those basement parties of spin the bottle and making out in the closet. We had no idea what we were doing but it was all innocent coming of age antics.
As I remember these moments warmly, my parents were a bit more concerned and decided it was time to move. Partly because my father had remarried (my mom had died) and my stepmom (who I loved) wanted to start their lives in a new home purchased as a couple. That was a pretty reasonable request and they thought it was time for me to attend a better school system that would challenge me. So, with all of that, we moved to Farmington Hills, Michigan and I was positioned to be a freshman at a new high school. I never quite fit in (or tried that much… to get involved if I were being honest) as my new neighborhood and friends were different. What used to be easy and seamless was now hard. I did not have my core buddies and I guess I just felt lost. Needless to say, I had some tough life lessons, adapted, and figured things out. However, I always had a fondness for Oak Park and the memories of living in the “Manor.” I just expected that Marla continued to experience the bliss and I was no longer part of that anymore.
Fast forward to Oak Park High 40th Reunion and immersing ourselves back to elementary and middle school times. I was not sure who was attending and just hoped (as did Marla) that we would know some people when we entered the banquet hall. Now, this was the first time that both Marla or I attended a reunion and I was not sure anyone would remember me. I was surprised that Marla (who stayed) never felt completely attached to her high school. I thought she would have some confidence since she went to school with everyone longer than I did. But as she described, when I left, everyone outgrew playtime, went their own ways and things were not quite that “Manor” chumminess we had as kids anymore. I never realized that my move made her feel like she was abandoned in Oak Park by me. In my defense, I was caught up in my own changes and had little influence on my parents’ decisions to sell the house. It’s embarrassing that I have thought long and hard about unimportant moments like the Halloween candy offerings of my neighbors… and not one consideration on the impact of our move on Marla. Not a proud moment but that is why I blog – free therapy and growth!!!
The weekend festivities began with breakfast followed by a trip to Oak Park High School and its planetarium (thank you Robbie D. for setting that up). Marla and I walked into the restaurant and were greeted by our childhood friends Dena and Stephanie who grew up in the “Manor” too and were the staples of our lives. We reminisced about those times and just laughed. Even though we had not seen each other in (30+ years), it was like we were kids again. After breakfast, we headed to Oak Park High School where I took pictures of Marla at her locker (technically she could not remember – so we went with one that could have been it) – I mean who was going to challenge the authenticity of the picture?? We then went to the planetarium. It looked exactly the same but smaller, a little worn and the seats were snugger for our grown-up bodies. We were taken through an updated galaxy experience using their modern technology while honoring our history with some old school pictures. It was so fun!!! After that, Marla and I decided to go back to my house and take a long day nap to get ready for our big night. Yes, no primping and prepping – just a good snooze.
When we walked into the party, we were transported to1984. There were cute centerpieces and favorite food stations representing “lunch hot spots” like Davison Coney Island, Burger Chef, and a Chinese Restaurant (name escapes me). The DJ played songs from our times growing up and I especially liked Grand Master Flash, Sugar Hill Gang, Prince and Run DMC. One of our fears was quickly realized as we knew less people than we hoped and suffered through some polite but distant hellos and awkward chit chat. I saw my friends from the” Manor” like Jimmy, Ronald, Dena, Stephanie and then friends that came later in my life like Laurie, Lee, Paula etc. I saw a friend that I used to play with in 6th grade and she had no clue who I was – UNCOMFORTABLE … 😳. And to make matters worse, I actually ran up to a guy that I thought was my childhood pal, gave him a huge hug (not like a socially appropriate hug) and he gladly reciprocated. He looked familiar but did not have the essence I remember. But you know that the years can take a toll on your appearance and demeanor sometimes. I shared with my friend Dena how nice it was to see Donald and she corrected me that he was not actually at the reunion. I pointed to who I hugged, and she burst out in laughter telling me that was in fact someone else. I was really embarrassed but Juan (the person I embraced – apparently his name) did not seem phased. So, either he played along, thought he should know me or was super high. When I saw my friend Ronald, who arrived late (and the twin of Donald), he cracked up and did not seem surprised. I guess some things don’t change including those reoccurring whoopsies. We got a chuckle, and I avoided Juan the rest of the night.
I was so interested in learning about everyone’s life – who they had become, married, families etc… We all agreed that we could not believe it had been 40 years since we graduated but yet we all did kind of act old. Barely anyone was dancing even though the music was great, we complained how loud it was and many of the discussions revolved around our ailments or grandchildren (yikes). Some teachers showed up too, which was cool. The most awkward portion of the night (more than the intimate hug to Juan) came from the former physical education teacher that kicked her leg up and did the splits in a straight skirt and heels (and there was no shame when we got a glimpse of her crotch). Whatever… that is how it goes when we are all trying to prove that we are still young.
Needless to say, it was a really fun trip down memory lane. Even though many of us had not seen each other for multiple decades, we naturally picked up from where we left off and had a childhood affection for one another. It was nice to have that eternal bond that withstood the test of time. Although my friends went their own way and created lives that were extremely different – we had a shared foundation because we started in the same place.
The day after, Marla and I replayed the weekend events to one another. I learned things about how she felt that I never knew before and it strengthened our bond. We had a wonderful time but could also agree it filled our nostalgia cup. There was no need for anymore Oak Park get-togethers in the near future for us (but we do have another 10 years to make that call).
As I reflect, I always wondered what would have happened if I never moved and stayed in Oak Park. I almost glamorized our childhood connections and that I somehow missed out. The truth of the matter is my life plan was that I was supposed to move. Marla’s course was to remain in Oak Park, and she made new friends as did the rest of our crew. Our childhood was a moment in time that was precious in all our minds. However, we all had our own paths that led each one of us in different directions. It was great reconnecting and re-meeting our friends as adults, fathers, mothers, grandparents etc. I am glad to see that everyone was doing well and proud of who they have become. We are all grateful (at least I am) that I was able to share my core years with a notable set of individuals who seem joyful and equally appreciative of the roles we played in each other’s lives. I would say that was a successful reunion and a moment I will always cherish. Also… so nice meeting you Juan 😊.
Seeking Wellness 